Thoughts to Blame

26th November 2011

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Tetris Battle

What is happening? It is like I lost my energy to play the battle. I need someone to give me energy, especially him. What the fuck happened with friendship and promises? What the fuck happened to that beautiful friendship where you and I trusts each other, talk about anything under the sun?

We used to be chill, happy and talkative. We used to tell each other even our darkest and deepest secrets, we used to do that stuff. You used to listen and not judge me. What happened?

I knew all along that you like that girl even though they are convincing me that she is just a rebound girl. Maybe I do not like to believe that because a part of me knows if I do, I will have my hopes higher.

The fact that made my heart break is that you also knew all along that I have feelings for you. I know I didn’t tell you but you have that gut feeling that I like you. But why the hell did you played with my feelings? Why the hell did you flirted with me and pressured me to tell you that I like you on a fucking Thursday night then you told the girl that you “love” your feelings on a fucking Friday night. What the hell? Did my feelings for you gave you confidence to face the battle?! Did my feelings for you made you more feel like handsome or something?

I just do not get the point of you asking if I like you. I just don’t get the point of you telling me that you wouldn’t want to hurt me because you just fucking did. You just made me feel that all those conversations are flowing just because you know I have feelings for you. You know that someone is there, admiring you.

I am just so disappointed, and I do not know if I ever gonna believe anything that you say. Anything that you do. You just ruined it. Well we just ruined our friendship because of misunderstanding.

If ever I have the chance, i will ask you the same questions that I’ve written here. I am just hurt because it was you, of all people.. :( Why why why. :( 

I am just hurt because I’ve been praying for you, ive been praying for this day to be wonderful. I have been asking God to make you feel loved. :-( 

And your biggest mistake was playing with my feelings. :-(

I just wish that you will be a MAN with BALLS who WON’T PLAY WITH FEELINGS.

I AM NOT A FUCKING ONLINE GAME.

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26th November 2011

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Fuck you hardcore

Thanks for playing with my feelings, you bull shit son of a bitch.

I am just mad at you right now. I just can’t imagine that you made me cry again.

Yeah, people will say “Alam mo na naman nung una palang” but what the fuck. He just made me confess to him. He knew all along that I like him. So for me, what is the point of him asking me, and I telling him?! What the fuck is the point there? WHAT.THE.FUCK.

Di ko akalain, ikaw pa. OF ALL PEOPLE. I thought you were different, but all I can say is fuck you and good luck! I WISH YOU ALL THE FUCKING BEST.

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23rd November 2011

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So Highschool-ish me

What does it mean when you always want to see that person, even though there is no need to talk to him? You get happy even with the view of his back, or when you hear his laugh from afar? What does it mean when you pay attention to the little details, like first: You saw him his sick, but the other people never saw it. Second: You see he is tired, like sleepless tired person, his eyes were red. 

What does it mean when you look forward going home because there might be a 99.9% chance that he is online and you guys can talk? Or what does it mean when you become overjoyed to the things that he says or how he makes you feel? Like he cares for you and he wants to talk to you even though he is busy playing online games or doing his thesis.

What does it mean when he wants your advice over something? What does this mean?

Am I inlove already? Because in the past, I know I have been in love. I am scared for my life because I know, if ever it’s true that I am in love with him, everything will be fucked up: our beautiful friendship, my feelings, his feelings and everything in between. I don’t want that to happen…

But I am starting to doubt my feelings. I know, I like him.. but I do not know if this is love already. I do know I miss him when we don’t talk, but I don’t know if he feels the same way too.. 

I just hope and pray everyday that if this is love, may God prepare me for everything that might happen TO ME AND HIM :-)

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19th November 2011

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why hello there

I can always spot cute boys, and like them eventually. So my friends didn’t feel shocked or whatever when I told them I like this ‘anonymous’ guy. I actually like him since we were in 1st year college. :”>

That is me, liking every guy I see. But this one is just, different? I talk to him almost everyday. Thank you Facebook for being our bridge, haha. We talk about anything under the sun. Anything, even his online games. HAHA. I guess I really like this anonymous guy. 

I like the way he cares about me, about anything about me. I like how he suddenly gets upset over the things I say. I like how he says sorry when he did something wrong. I like that he gives effort just to make the conversation flow. I like how he gives effort to things just to make him a better person. :-)

I love how we fight over smallest things, and eventually say sorry and be friends again. I like you a lot for being like my best friend, for listening and make me forget my problems because you are talking to me. I love how you trust me to the things I know you only tell those whom you really trust. I love how we play the pretend game, like you do not know that I like you, because I know deep down you know. Remember that hint that I gave you, the second hint? Well it’s true, and I guess how I treat you is like the BIGGEST HINT that you can get.

I just do not like it when you promise, and I become all excited about it. But it never happens. I just get sad and disappointed at you.

I secretly supports you in everything that you do, from singing, playing basketball, learning to play the guitar.. learning to court someone you like. 

But all in all, I think I like you. My sister says this is LOVE but I guess no one can really explain how I feel. If I cannot explain it myself, how can you? I will just love to talk to you everyday, so please do not leave me hanging. I just love to keep you in my prayers, I just wish you all the best. :-)

I like you anonymous person! I just hope that this feeling I have for you won’t ruin our beautiful friendship. 

And I just hope you do not end up being with her. I wish you end up being with me. :)) Hihihihi

*if you, anonymous person, happens to read this. Please do not feel awkward or anything. :-)

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